Positive Thoughts

I feel like lately I’ve been all negative nancy about my endo, so I decided to make a positive post about it. Sure, endometriosis DOES suck, but there is always something good in every situation. On Sunday I ran my second 1/2 marathon and it was the best experience ever. My first one was nothing short of awful. My pain was through the roof that day and all I wanted was to knock myself out with pain meds. This race however, was amazing. Everything went perfect and I’m still on my runners high. No walking and no pain for this girl!

Anywho, while running my race, I started to think about the positives in my situation and decided to make a lovely list.

1. First and foremost; had I not had surgery (almost a year ago today!), I would have never been depressed about my life. I would have never been googling ways to make my life better. I would have never stumbled across the registration and signed up for my first half marathon, Park to Park. And that means I would have never started running. Running has taught me so much about life and it’s something that my body can handle. Sure, I still have days where I flare up big time during or after a run and want to curl up into the fetal position, but overall it’s made me a much stronger person; physically and mentally.

2. Last month, I had 7 “good” days and 1 “great” day. I track my days and make notes about how I feel each and every day. Most days, I feel like crap. They start out good but they start going down hill within hours. I start to get bloated, I get dizzy, nauseous, I can’t concentrate, I get extremely tired and the list goes on and on and on. But somewhere out there in the month I have seven good days and one GREAT day waiting to be thrown at me. Since I can’t control how I feel and this is kind of the condition I’m stuck with, I’ve decided to make a little game out of it. Each day I wake up wondering, will this be a good or great day?! It’s kind of like getting a surprise every now and then. Normal people don’t get to play the surprise game.

3.  I have the best family and friends ever. I won’t lie…my family gets the most of my “I feel like A**” or “I hate my body I just want to remove my  insides!!”. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve complained. My mom and my sister are pretty much my rocks. They have put up with my complaints for years, and it means so much. I know at times, friends and family have probably been annoyed or wanted to punch me but they haven’t yet. I could have a family that doesn’t support me or makes fun of my condition, but they don’t and for that I am extremely grateful.

4. Having a condition that affects my day to day life has taught me to bite my tongue before judging someone. After my surgery, when I got the ok to start working out again, I remember thinking that people at the gym were going to criticize my workouts because all I could do was walk at an incline slowly. Even today, there are workouts I can’t do or struggle with people of pain. And it’s not just working, but day to day life. You don’t know if that person has a chronic illness, is recovering from surgery or has a condition. You just don’t.

5. I’m usually exhausted by the end of the week. Having endo has made me appreciate taking care of my body more. I used to go out Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. I thought I had to go out to fit in. But I wasn’t taking care of my body. While I do drink occasionally, endo and alcohol don’t mix so I usually try to stay away from it. I know quite a few people who think it’s lame that I don’t go out but my body physically can’t handle it. I’m usually in so much pain or discomfort that it’s not even fun! I’d much rather be at home, in my sweats & falling asleep to a movie. And while it’s not the funnest thing to be exhausted or feeling like crap on a Friday or Saturday night, it is pretty freakin’ awesome to wake up Saturday and Sunday morning feeling REFRESHED and ready to take on the world.

6. Last but not least, endometriosis has taught me to love myself. This is apart of who I am and I can’t change it. It will probably be affecting me for the rest of my life, but it won’t stop me from loving who I am. I have struggled quite a bit with this one. One of the reasons I started going to the doctor to figure out what was wrong was because I was gaining weight. By the time I was officially diagnosed with this, I had gained about 20 lbs. For me, it was discouraging. I was working out and eating healthy, but the pounds kept adding on. It was hard for me to work out because I felt sick or was passed out the second I got off work. Even today, it’s discouraging. It’s discouraging to be bloated 90% of the month. It’s discouraging that the medication I’m on for pain makes me break out in rashes and acne every now and then. It’s discouraging that no matter how well I eat, I still feel like crap most days. And it’s discouraging that doing something I love so so much (running and working out) can make me feel so so sick. But for whatever reason, I have this condition and it’s probably not going away anytime soon. Each day I wake up, I tell myself why I’m so awesome. I tell myself that even though I’m sick or feel crappy I won’t let this ruin my life. And I most importantly, I love me for me.

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